Pheww... Long time since I've been here.. been too busy catching up after the Europe trip.. Catching up with friends, with quizes, with local news, with my physical fitness.. and of course, been catching up with my lessons.. i've been away so long that I must have missed out on skipping at least 10 over lectures!! Now that I'm back, I'm determined to skip to my heart's content.. darn it's addictive!!! =b Yes, I know I'm going to suffer when the results come.. well, it's not like I'm totally not doing anything about it okies.. Studied for 4 hours straight today *impressed* In fact, I've been rather stressed about how my studies are going to turn out.. Yes! I DO care ok!!
What It Should Have Been Morning - Lessons Afternoon - Lessons / Self Revision Evening - Short break after dinner, hall activities if there are, if not a short chat on msn... 11 pm onwards - Tutorials or catching up with lagging modules Anytime from 1 to 2 am - Sleep
What It ALWAYS Turn Out To Be In The End Morning - Sleep, missed almost ALL of my morning lessons Afternoon - Sleep on rainy days (it's perfectly logical. who could resist them.. and I would not want to risk getting wet and end up shivering in the LTs)... Sleep on sunny days (makes sense too.. my eyes will hurt once I open my door and the sunlight floods in. Don't wanna end up hurting my eyes so i'll quickly close the door.. and I wouldn't be able to go out if the door has to be closed would I)... Lessons on Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays coz it's tutorials and labs.. unless it's a rainy or sunny day, then sometimes, I wouldn't go... Evening - Late lessons on Mondays and Thursdays... Dinner / hall activities / online / phonecall 11 pm onwards - Supper / hall activities / online / phonecall Anytime from 1 - 2 am - Online / phonecall 2 am - 4 am - On days that I think I am tired, I'll be lying on my bed trying to sleep.. Otherwise, I'll be online / watching downloaded movies / staring at my chapter 1 notes... 4 am - 4:30 am - At the corridor taking in air and thinking about stupid stuff 4:30 am - 5 am - Listening to slow, sleepy songs on my ipod trying to coax myself to sleep.. 5 am - 6 am - meddling with my phone's past messages, ipod, laptop playing hearts trying to make my eyes tired, drinking water every 10 minutes 6 am - 7 am - drifting in and out of sleep and visiting the toilet once every 10 minutes... 7 am - snoring on my bed 7:30 am - get awakened up by my stupid roomie's alarm clock, visit the toilet before drifting back to sleep
The past few nights, because of jet lag, I would often find myself waking up frustrated after a failed attempt at falling asleep early... 2, 3 hours of lying on the bed, drifting in and out of consciousness. Hate those kind of stuff. makes me feel like I'm wasting my time lying on the bed. Anyways, after stuff like that happens, I'll often find myself wandering to the corridor for a bit of wind.. and it's times like these where I'll start worrying about my studies and where I'm going to end up if it continues like this.. hais.. I thought I had told myself at the start of the semester to follow dilligently the time table and go for each and every single tutorial and lecture.. and now, look how everything turned out. 2 labs skipped, loads of lectures missed, lagging like mad, and the only consolation is probably my Algor quiz... and even though I'm procrastinating and all that now, I'll most probably still be unmotivated to do anything about it.. hais... I need more constructive power study sessions like today... Urgh!!! But where am I to find the time and motivation? Whatever.. that's it about studies... not going to make this post a boring self-reflection entry, although it's already halfway to becoming that...
As most of you all know, my house connection sucks to the core... so I'm not going to upload the photos of Europe now.. haha.. anyways, i'll need to do some editing to the photos to make them more presentable.. I'm not a professional photographer after all.. and I'm only using an old Lumix FX-8.. hehs... a new, better one soon maybe??? It's 3am.. I supposed to be sleeping now.. but then it's another of those sleepless nights.. even though it'd been a tiring day, and I was falling asleep driving back on the E-way just now, funny I still can't fall asleep *dang it* Well, at least my disconnecting rate has dropped significantly now that my stupid bro's asleep. So I might as well blog...
Anyways, it's been a LONG time since I've blogged about this topic... so yups... I know people like SHEEP have been dying for an update on my emotional life.. stop nagging to me about it lor, ass! STOP!!! Before you read on, it's probably time now to put on some sad song about breakups or rejections.. or a nice, soothing love ballad... it helps to heighten the mood so you would be able to understand my feelings better... Highly recommended, Foolish Games by Jewel / The Way You Look At Me by Christian Bautista... Ok, check that it's playing.. lets carry on... Well, it's wierd how things turned out to be this way.. hmm.. I don't know how to put it but.. it's like... I like the way things are feeling and falling in place now.. like it much much more than how things were a few months back.. Bleak... And yet, the closer I get, the more conscious I'll be... Maybe it's because I know I still feel something in me? Every now and then... I still feel that tinge of jealousy... I still feel that drop of sweetness... And I wouldn't want that feeling to come back and cause a hole in our relationship again like what happened back then... I'm afraid to l*v* you, I'm afraid to l*s* you... Guess I'll never be able to get over it this life.. the wonderful memories still comes back to haunt me from time to time... unless by a twist of fate I have an accident, I lose my memory and forget everything.. Oh, that'll be tragic won't it.. Or would it be a blessing? And apparantly, you still have your own hole to patch or forget, which ever is in your plan.. all the more I shouldn't be troubling you about stuff like this now...
Like what I said in a previous entry, when people say they have fallen out of love, they are just saying they have chosen to stop showing love to the other person... It doesn't mean that they do not love the person anymore.. You can never fall out of love.. I believe that once you fall IN love with a person, you'll forever be IN love with that person.. Until the day, you choose not to show your love anymore, be it because that person is not worth your love, or because that person doesn't appreciate and thus reciprocate your love...
*Cause there's something in the way, you look at me. It's as if my heart knows, you're the missing piece. You make me believe that there's nothing, in this world I can't be. I'd never know what you see, but there's something in the way, you look at me*
What should I do? We're just friends, give us a break pls.. that's what I should do...
Todavía le amaré.. forever and ever baby...
Lost, confused, hungry and sl..ee..py... OMG! It's 5:10!!!
Last but not least, I wanna say.. I miss Europe badly... Not for Paris, not for London.. not for Switzerland or the Alps... But for the smses and the call.. and the embarrassing standing sessions behind the hotel reception, replying those mails.. Searching high and low for an internet connection.. just to read lines after lines of your reply... even though most of it were crap and senseless junk.. they were what kept my heart warm, in the cold European night..
