28th September 2007 - Friday
Cooling
3:26 am - Happy, contended

Just Waiting For That Spark???

Just got home from studying at Macs...
Sheesh... I have 3 quizes due tues and i haven't even finished studying for ONE!!!
DIE!!!

Been real busy these few weeks...
with cheerobics, with quizes, with soccer team practice...
so much so i don't have much time to think about.. hmm...
the past?
don't know why, but today I was suddenly reminded of everything...
guess that when my laptop crashed (AGAIN) without me backing up my files...
and the thought that i might lose all those stuff...
all the memories...
it sort made me think of that period of time once again when I was with her...

well, it's been a while since I last saw or heard about her...
and yups... hope she's happy now...
come to think of it, it's probably time I started picking up the pieces...
well... we shall see how things goes bah...

anyways... yups...
as the topic suggests... all those above are NOT what i want to say in this post...
was just digressing..
=b
hahahaha....
*sorry*

well.. i realised that life's been quite... hmm... I would say "kind" now?
and suddenly I find myself in a position I have never been in before...
a position that many could but dream to be in...
BUT!!!
alas! i guess... life's really taken her toil on me...
no matter how far out of the way one would go just to have dinner together...
or if one would sms every single day...
i just can't find the strength to do anything special...
or to bring out the feelings...
*sighh*

Think something's wrong with me liao lahhh.. roar!!
not that I TOTALLY don't feel anything of course...
those feelings of appreciation one would have...
those DO exists still, inside me...
but well... like what my good friend says bahz..
I'm probably just waiting for that spark...
maybe to thaw the heart that's frozen deep inside that fridge?
And when that happens...
well.. who knows what will happen...
hoho...

And after tonight.. hmm...

Maybe???

Hahahaha...

Just Believe =b

3:57 am - Heavy eye-lids...

23rd September 2007 - Sunday
Humid, Warm
2:39 am - Tired, but refreshed

The Frozen Heart in The Locked Fridge

Just came back from Sentosa again.. but this time it felt different...
Wouldn't say it wasnt pleasant.. but i just didnt feel as light hearted after that as compared to the previous time i went there...
maybe it was because... hmm...
probably had too many things on my mind...
and yups, it was probably the wrong day to be going there... in the wrong attire...

well.. whatever...
got slapped real hard in the face tonight...
reminded me how tiring 'IT' can get sometimes...
what in the hell are you doing Justus Gan!!!
hais...
you don't wanna get hurt again..
so yups...
step back step back...

*sighhh..*
he's afraid...
of loving as much as he used to...
he shall be cold and dead...
for only the frozen and the dead won't feel any pain...

anyways..
fell in LOVE with this song that's playing on my blog now..
I Remember You, by my new love... YUI!!!
her song just makes me feel like strumming on my guitar..
just like how 'Secret' made me feeling like playing my keyboard..

Sometimes...
I just wished that things would be as simple as falling asleep at night..

2:59 am - heavy hearted...

11th September 2007 - Tuesday
Overcast, Thunderstorm
6:43 am - Tired but rather light hearted

Life Goes On - The Brand New Chapter

Morning Blues..
Finally finished my kick-ass 19 paged lab report a moment ago... took me two whole nights of staying up through the night, like 2 zillion, 181 trillion, 456 billion, 21 million, 259 thousand 4 hundred and 21 brain cells dead and non-stop typing action in front of the screen before I finally finished it.. really quite tiring I must say...
Been sleeping only early in the morning these two days...
Hmm.. but then again, when do I ever not??? o.O

Anyways.. i just realised I don't have 9:30 lab tomorrow morning!!!
*Jumps for joy*

Anyways.. finally closed the door on the previous chapter of my life.. one that lasted for 2 long years, and probably never really got exciting until the last 4 months or so, when it suddenly transformed from a cheap boring novel remake to a hollywood blockbuster hit complete with special effects and lightings :b

And it's rather pleasing and comforting to realise that my life suddenly becomes so much more simpler.. and that each day passes so much easier..
Guess all the action in the past few weeks really took the toil and the fight out of me bah... didn't really have the motivation and the mood to do anything at all in all that time...
But now, it feels different.. so much lighter, so much right-er, if there ever was a word like that..
no more heavy burden, no more feelings of guilt and pain.. no more problems you have to think about...
Yes, there would still be that passing feeling of emptiness..
like you've lost something that was once really important to you in your life..
moments of happiness that you know deep inside, you would never be able to bring back..
items now locked away in your cupboard..
items that reminds you of the once blissful past..
also items that makes the present so much more difficult to bear..
that's why they are locked away..
only to serve as precious memory reminders years later...

Back then, I would feel like...
it doesn't matter how many new shoes I get
or lessons I go to
or how many glasses of chardonnay I drink with my friends..
I still go to bed every night
going over every detail
wondering what I might have did wrong
or how I could have misunderstood
and how in the hell for that brief moment I could think that I was that happy
and sometimes, I can even convince myself that she will see the light and show up at my door

But after all that
however long all that might be
I will go somewhere new
and I’ll meet people who will make me feel worthwhile again
and little pieces of my soul will finally come back
and all that fuzzy stuff
those years of my life that I wasted
that will eventually begin to fade

So yups.. that's my life now..
meeting new people, making new friends..
forming new 'bongs'???
trying to forget the past
waiting for the pain to fade completely

Will it ever fade???

Even the deepest pain will fade. all it takes is time :O)

Love the weather...
how I just ADORE rainy mornings with Friskies on my lap

7:32 am - sleepy yet warm

9th September 2007 - Sunday
Clear
2:35 am - Full from supper *burpp*

The Cold Hard Truth

Everything that has happened in these few months, was just like a reenactment of what happened to me way back..
a betrayal of trust... from someone you once placed among the top priorities in your life...
this just adds on to the decadent trust level I am having trouble placing in people..

I used to be fascinated by how much people can change in a period of just a few days.. but that fascination can turn to pain when it happens to someone close and important to me..

A friend told me just yesterday, that it never pays to be the good guy...
You suffer for 10 years, just to get an hour of bliss... (assuming you DO get it eventually..)
As for the guys on the dark side, they can cheat and lie, and enjoy life all they want...
before they finally get punished by that moment of pain...
oh how true this can get sometimes...
Is there really a happily ever after?

Hurts me to see how someone can change after just one incident...
all it took was just a moment of misunderstanding...
a significant amount of stress...
and probably a considerable amount of bad mouthing...
and everything I've sacrificed in the past few months..
or probably the past few years..
everything I've done...
are all forgotten...
*poof* just like that...

After everything that I have trusted you with...
my feelings.. my past.. my emotions...
after everything I did for you...
you turned your back on me so easily...
you forsook me without even trying to understand...
and accused me of something you know I would never do...
would I ever resort to threats...
would I ever resort to bad mouthing...
have I ever done things like that?
and you would believe I would just because of what you hear from someone who had been constantly doing just those things...

I gave you that trust and that respect...
and yet at the time i needed them from you the most...
you turned around and spat on me...
when all you had to do was show a little more sincerity...

10 years.. was it really a sensible figure?
or was it just given lackadaisically?
was it with that attitude when you said, forever, too?
The exasperation.. the frustration over this whole affair...
I could tell from your words.. i could understand..
Do you really think you are the only one who's tired?
Do you really think you are the only one who's trying to make things work out?

At the end of the day...
It just boils down to the same question...
Who is really the one who is worth your trust and your friendship...
Who is really the one who will return you with that same amount of trust...
And who is the one who would give in to hearsay and turn their back on your in an instant...

I never regreted starting this friendship with you..
All that I regreted, was just not doing enough, to make you want to keep it...

3:45am - seriously disappointed and depressed...

4th September 2007 - Tuesday
Cloudy and cool
1:53 am - Smelling nice, feeling clean

The Ever Moving World

Bwarfffff~~~!!!!
Sometimes, when you stop and linger at a certain point in life for too long a time, you suddenly find it irritatingly difficult to catch up with everything else.
Because in that time that you were stonning, everything and everyone else were crawling along, slowly, subtly.
And now that you've realised it, you are already far far behind.
All of a sudden you realize that your cat is heavier, your stubble is longer, your table is messier and your floor is dustier than you last remembered...

So many things yet to do.
Misunderstandings to clear, situations to explain, mistakes to correct, relationships to patch, memories to forget, projects to complete, reports to type, notes to print, places to go...
So many things to be done.. yet so little motivation.

Let's hope it's really good times waiting ahead for everyone

Life is Short, so break the rules
Forgive quickly
Believe slowly
Love truly
Laugh uncontrollably, AND
Never regret anything that made you smile
Every Little Smile can touch Somebody's heart

- If life doesn't make you crazy, then why bother living it? -

Don't bother finding an explaination for everything that happens...
It's a thin line between reason and excuse...
Is it right? Or is it not?
Is this me thinking? Or is this me feeling?
It'll just go on forever...

If you don't take the first step, you'll forever be at that same spot...
The world is ever moving...
And when you start seeing everyone's back disappearing from in front of you, it might already be too late...
So stop hesitating
And just do whatever you want... it's THAT simple...

Happiness
Security
Freedom
Conscience
Morals
Future
Relief
Sleep

Which is it?
Reach out to grab it.. it's yours...

At least that's what I feel...
Yes, feel.. not think..
I'm a heart over mind person..
I don't care if you all call me dumb... but that's just me..
Until I die, or i find someone who changes it...
Pftttttt~!!!

Life
,!, ~ . ~ ,!,
NAHH!!!

2:35 am - (Try) To get back to notes