10 in the morning, I would have been dead asleep on normal days. But today was different. I was determined to change my twisted sleeping hours back to something at least more normal.. Since I had nothing to do today, might as well rot the whole day away at home and try to stay awake... On other days I would have been overcomed with a sense of euphoria, but not today... having nothing to do today, i felt, would instead be painful and depressing...
It's been ages since I've felt this way... It's only this early and already the house is empty. I'm the only one at home... Dad's out fetching my bro to sch, mum's at the market. Was in too much of a slothing mood when she asked me to go along with her... Anyways, feeling super nostalgic this morning. Was going through my songlist when I started listening to some songs I used to hear a long time ago when I was in a lousy mood... That was what triggered the memories.. Emotional pple might call me. But there were some things you just cannot forget...
Just finished a book I bought 3 days ago.. Crapz... and now I've nothing to do... been lying on the bed and doing what I used to do back in my Junior College days, let my mind just wander off. To what happened in the past, to what might happen in the future... Decisions I made, and what things might be now if I had did something differently...
Why did I allow things to become the way it is now? I probably only had myself to blame for it. I am sorry, I really am. For everything I've said or done, whether they be driven by passion, anger, greed, jealousy or just a split second of foolishness... but I'd still hoped, for a miracle, that it might somehow revert back to what it had been before...
Work was supposed to take me away. Make me take my mind off things for a while. I did initially, but in the long run, it ended up making me missing things more instead... I hope I could make things clearer than what is found here, but alas, everything you see here is for all to see.. Took a huge portion of what I had initially typed out away off from this entry... I dread blog censorship. There are just some things that you want to be put across.. but you wouldn't want to put it on display for all to know... Hope the rest of the day passes well for me... Feeling really groggy now~
